Unfortunately

I'm not doing well today.
Everything is setting me off.
My mom. Rehearsal. Plans. Friends.
I'm just so upset, and I don't know how I can make this better.
I feel awful.
You smiled at me in the hall, and for a moment, I wasn't me anymore.
I was yours.
Then, I realized, you're still dating my friend.
Which is going well...
Then great. Rehearsal. And I just couldn't do it.
I felt like I was going to die.
You can't dance to peppy music when all you want to do is cry.
I'm crying right now.
I don't care.
Just screw it.
Screw everything.
I hate how my life is right now.
It's just disappointment, after disappointment, after disappointment.
Just like my darling mother tells me everyday.
I hate both equally.
I don't care if that's terrible to say.
I just hate people in general.
Stupid, naive, pointless.
And like the answer is god, that god makes everything better.
I believe in god, but he isn't here actively involved in my life.
He's somewhere far a way, this world is left to chance.
And now, I'm not so lucky.
I don't think life is special or unique.
I think it's just a punishment.
I just want to go away, off to college.
I want to leave here.
I want to leave this time.
I hate it.
I hate her.
I hate her so much.
I hate living like this.
I'm like a tree fallen in a forest of success.
I'm average.
I won't go anywhere.
I won't be anyone.
Everything is getting me down.
I just want to feel up again.
I'm dying.
If you stuck through all of that, you're amazing, and I love you.