Accelerate

It's all too fast.

I feel like I can't hold on to anything everymore. It seems that just yesterday, I was just walking into CHS, literally, yesterday. It feels like yesterday I was getting my geometry textbook, and studying for my first test. I feel that just the other day, I asked my girlfriend out, and now we're FAST approaching 6 months.

Its insane...
I'm starting to study for the SAT, starting to think about my license, starting to make plans for summer, and starting to study for exams.
I can't believe there's only 43 more days and I'll be walking out those hard, black, chalky, old, double black doors for the last time as a freshmen. Don't get me wrong, I'm beyond ready to get out of school, I just still see the shy, 5'9", first semester me, anxiously walking to first period for the first time.

Storytime

I'm sorry, but I'm not one of those people who can just tell you a story right off the bat.
It makes me mad when people say, "You mean you've never had anything exciting happen in your life?" after I say I don't want to tell them a story.
YES!

I've had a very very very exciting life. I have stories to tell, but I will chose a story to tell you when I'm ready. Ready for this one, here's a story from today.

So I go to the bathroom in my fourth period, and I... go. I turn around to go back to class when I see written on a door, something really quite inappropriate, but it went like Person suck ****. Beside this comment I see an arrow drawn to the suck with a , +s, and underneath is written subject verb agreement. I laughed! I know, I'm such a nerd. But I really don't know what to think of it, is it just more vandalism, or is it a statement? It pretty much made my day. That could've been a story to tell today, but I just hate being told to tell it.
I like my stories to be spontaneous, rather than oh, Storytime.
I'd never ask you to tell me a story, I'd just ask, what'd you do today?
And if you replied, nothing.
I'd be okay with that.
Some stories are better left untold.

Yes,

I did put your brother in a headlock under water in a swimming pool last year.
NO, I would not have tried to drown him.
Yes, I can't stand your brother.
NO, it is not a big deal.

Parce que

Improv today was interesting. We didn't play games, and act crazy, we were serious. We talked about life, and debated. I enjoyed it. Some didn't, but I listened to what everyone was saying, some things were completely irrelevent to the topic, but some things were right on the money. And I think I realize that
A. I am going to a four year college.
B. I will major in something that best fits my strengths... (math/science/writing)
C. I will try to persue my dreams in theatre/writing
D. I need a backup, a big backup, something that I can live on.
E. I have no idea what college I want to go to, or what my back up will be.

I think a lot of people struggle with E. In fact, many of my senior and junior friends, have no clue what they want to do, or where they want to go when they graduate. Perhaps this is a bit reassuring, but I personally think its frightening. I can't imagine walking out on June 10, 2013 with no clue of what to do. I can't even begin to imagine.

I think you know who you are...

Man, you deleted.
You were one of my favorites.
You had the best bulletins,
and definitely the best pictures.
I'll miss you there.

Liquid Luck

You say you need someone.
You say your ready for change.
You're trying as hard as you can to look beyond where you are,
You think they don't exist
When really they've been right there in front of you,
the whole time.
And they need you too.
Just give them a chance.
And who knows what could happen.

No one ever deserves to be lonely.

Sometimes

I wonder.
I wonder if you think I'm cool,
I wonder if you think I'm cool, if you think I'm fun,
I wonder if you think I'm cool, if you think I'm fun, if you think I'm smart
I wonder if you think I'm cool, if you think I'm fun, if you think I'm smart, if you think I'm real
I wonder if you think I'm cool, if you think I'm fun, if you think I'm smart, if you think I'm real, if you don't answer your text messages for a reason,
I wonder if I'm paranoid, or we really have problems.
I wonder.

Just sayin

If all teens were to marry their boyfriends/girlfriends of a few months,

there would be a lot of divorce cases.

just sayin.

Quadrilateral Focus

When I was young, I had a legitimate fear. I didn't fear spiders or thunderstorms; I feared death itself. I always imagined falling off of buildings and getting into car crashes and dying. I woke up in the middle of the night screaming and crying, begging my mom to stay in my room so I wouldn't die. It was horrifying.

Somedays I look back on my early childhood and wonder why it scared me. Did I have real night terrors, or was I just one to cry? I think I've figured out my real fear. My real fear is the unknown.

See, at such a young age, I didn't understand my religion. The only thing I grasped about death was that you lost control of your body, and then you were buried in the ground. I still don't really know what happens after death, but I have faith that their is a loving god and an afterlife. Death no longer scares me, but the unknown does. What is scaring me right now?
The future because I have no clue where I'm going.

In 45 days

I will be a sophomore
and I will be older,
and I will have math both semesters,
and I will take the PSAT and the SAT,
and I will drive, alone.
Come on June 10th, make haste!

If a triangle is right, a squared + b squared = c squared

How I wish this was all an equation, and there would be one definite solution.

I am refusing

To hear your over exaggerated laugh and sneeze.
To listen to how upset you are over your 97 on a math quiz.
To smell the alcohol on your breath
To listen to freshmen.

I enjoy my friends.
I just hope they enjoy me.

Bonjour

Je m'appelle Sebastian.

J'ai quinze ans.

J'aime voyagee.

Est-ce que tu aimes jouer au basket de caroline?

Oui, bien sur.

Je parle anglais et francais.

Je suis raremant mal.

J'ai t'aime une fille.

Une fille ma copine.

Ou est-ce que habiter?

Je habite Caroline du Nurd!

Au revoir.

Just a little french test studying!

Sophomore year

is fast approaching.
I can't believe it.
I still remember the first day of high school.
It was nerve wracking.
I've had a roller coaster of a year,
Filled with drama and perpetual emotion.
I'm glad I've shared it with you.
But I'm so ready to be a sophomore.
Only 48 more school days!

Time has gone by so quickly

It seems like yesterday it was halloween night, and I was wearing that rediculous mask that didn't fit my face. And you looked so pretty, and you were completely who you were. And then we had thanksgiving, with our crazy families, whom we love so dearly. And then I had my birthday, which was very special. And then after that, I fell for you, harder than ever. Faster than ever. And we clicked, like the mouse on my mouse pad. And then there was christmas, and I had such a great holiday. And then there was valentines day, which was quite special. And the way we laughed at dear john, and the way you held my hand when we walked out, and how I found out you listen to electric renaissance like I do. And then recently, St. Patricks day, we swang and sang, and laughed for hours, about nothing and everything. And I still love you, things are just slow, and a bit confusing. I just wish you could be you again. I wish you would smile more, and listen to me. I wish we didn't fight. And I hate the rebellion. And you are beautiful, so beautiful, but you hide it, and its sickening to someone who knows how amazing you are. No one would ever laugh at you, if they knew you like I did.

Sometimes its backwards

And my socks don't match,
And our hands can't reach
And our teachers don't teach
And our preachers don't preach,
like the way they should.

I really...

need to stop swearing!

Now I know

that things have been harsh.
I have been harsh.
Life is harsh.
Situations are harsh.
And I'm sorry, but there is little that I take back.
Just know that I will always love you.
This year has been rocky.
And I think you realize that now.
I think spring break will be good.
A time to rest, A time to think.
A time to just breathe.
I'm ready for it.
I'm so very ready for it.
And I love you,
but I feel you're trying to be things your not,
And you've tried so hard that you think you are.
You're eccentric and I love it.
But sometimes you just have to be a little normal.
Not only in the clothes you wear,
but in the ways you act and speak.
You're amazing,
And I love you.
But "you" have not been showing yourself lately.
I need you.
(inward voice) I need you!

You

Can sometimes drive me up a billion walls.
But I keep coming back to you.
Sometimes I wonder,
what in the world is wrong with me.
And all it is, is a four letter word.
LOVE!

So...

I got deleted.
In case you were wondering why I don't have anything anymore.
But I still remember.
I remember everything.